Spontaneous Randomosity

Changes & New

2010-11-17T23:33:00.000-08:00

Wow...it has been FOREVER since I've sparked my fingers to the keyboard for a blog post. Thanks to a dear friend for reminding me that I even have a long lost blog awaiting my every command. :P Here goes...another attempt at becoming a regular poster again.

To catch up...so many changes...

1. I'm Engaged! Yes, it happened! It was magical...in the Magic Kingdom at that and we are planning a wedding for...well...as soon as we can figure that out. He still makes the butterflies flutter...after all this time. :)

2. I've lost 70lbs. Melted it off with hard work and determination. I have some more work to do but maintaining what I've done so far is happiness on the scale.

3. I moved! I have my own little casa of my very own and am living peacefully with my editor-in-chief El Bandito. Lonely at times, but nice to have my own kitchen to make a mess in.

4. I'm a Vegetarian! Yup...a hippie chick through-and-through and now internally too!

5. Work is Nuts! What's new there? Well, we don't know who 2 of our senators are yet, the House as a 30/30 split, the Senate Majority leader resigned his leadership position, my boss is retiring Dec 31 with no replacement in near sight and my favorite coworker has gone to bigger and better things. This session looks to be quite interesting.

6. The Celibacy Clock is STILL proudly ticking away! *giggle* Not for too much longer...with a wedding looming in the near future.

7. I have made the most important decision in my entire life thus far and I can't declare it to the world yet. Keeping secrets KILLS me! Soon...I'll let it all out.

8. I've been watching as both of my grandmothers' fight for health. Getting old is a little too real these days.

9. My Dad experienced what we are calling a "wake-up call" by suffering a TIA (mini-stroke) and is making amazing life changes - quitting smoking, diet, exercise and stress management. I'm so proud of him for taking it seriously and even more proud of my Mom for being his rock when I know it is hard for her.

10. I'm happy. I think, even with all these crazy things, that I am the most happy I've ever been in my entire life. Things are finally going in a direction I can be elated about! I randomly burst into song and dance just thinking about my happiness. I'm know, I'm still an incredible dork.

Brief I know, but that's a quick catch-up on the life of Me! :) I'll be here more and more since big things are about to unfold in my life. Excitement abound!

Here's to a new chapter...

New Technology

2009-11-21T17:31:00.000-08:00

I downloaded the Blogger app to my iPhone in the hopes that I will find the inspiration to post more. Here's hoping...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I Promise I'll Write...

2009-11-10T10:39:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in a long, long time. I'm so sorry. :(

Tomorrow there will be a post of substance. Tomorrow there will be letters.

Alone

2009-08-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

I have the perfect boyfriend, perfect relationship, perfect family, perfect friends - but everyone I love is so far away from me. I feel so very imperfect. I'm alone.

Depression

2009-07-10T15:09:00.000-07:00

I'm losing it.

All my friends are either getting married or welcoming little ones.

Instead of happy, I'm sad. I wish it was me.

I'm almost 30 and going nowhere fast.

/sigh

Time

2009-06-16T09:39:00.000-07:00

One month left until I see him again. This time I don't want to go home. Every time I have to say goodbye to him it is harder and harder to recover. I walk around for months afterwards like some sick drug addict who can't find a score. Depressed. Lonely. Wishing.

Things I Need...

2009-05-04T10:16:00.000-07:00

1. Him
2.
3.

...just him. :(

Really Now?

2009-04-28T10:08:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted anything of substance recently, and this certainly doesn't account for such either, but I need to vent a few things to anyone who has an open minute to read them.

There is a hurricane brewing within my family and soon the full on storm will hit. Each day the winds get stronger and stronger and I don't know if this makeshift shelter I've built for myself will withstand it. I don't make a habit of wishing angry things on people, but for this person, I wish to them exactly what they deserve.

Let me issue a full on consumer warning to everyone: Do not do business with Dish Network. They are still trying to bill me for an account that I didn't sign up for service to a house that has been sitting vacant for over 3 years. Yay, more attorney fees. /sigh

Yay for Friday. Bleh for Friday. I get to "celebrate" a coworker's birthday that totally blew mine off last year. While I don't expect a present, just for her to attend the little lunch we hold, she unexpectantly "forgot to turn off her curling iron" and had to run home during mine. Then she preceeded to question me about what my boyfriend bought me for my birthday when she clearly knows he doesn't do the birthday-thing. I think I'll work really hard at being sick on Friday.

I don't even want to talk about the economy...other than that the fools running this garbage now won't live long enough to feel the brunt of destruction that they have placed in my already burning hands.

Another gem for today...I'm wearing two different socks I've discovered. Yes, both are black, but indeed different.

Can this month get any worse? /tear

My New Love Affair

2009-04-02T09:41:00.000-07:00

Can I be any more in love with technology?

/swoon

Slacker

2009-03-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been lazy about writing anything in this blog. I’m also slightly convinced that even if I did that no one would read it. Being negative has been a trend of late.

My hour morning commute to work is getting worse every month. I don’t understand with the unemployment rate being so high, how they are honestly more people on the roads. Since just January I’ve passed by 3 fatal accidents, witnessed 1 minor accident, was almost involved in an accident 4 times and have experienced countless moments of fear from other people driving recklessly or burning tires of road rage. One would think that a simple straight stretch of road would be so easy to drive. Apparently not.

After a trip to the “eyeball doctor” this week I found out that my consistent headaches, itchy eyes and minor blurs in vision are not allergy-related. I’m suffering from a case of severe eye strain due to my continual daily use of the computer. My eyes are so used to living in the nearsighted world that my far sight vision has been grossly affected. A minor prescription for glasses was recommended. :P

Session is going as usual, well, as usual as one can expect considering the state of Oregon’s economic status. When you don’t have money, how can you spend it? Apparently the triple-majority is still finding ways to do so as they are continuing to spend my tax dollars on ridiculous things such as a bill to make “throwing feces, urine or semen at another human” illegal. Do we really need to specify that in a law? I personally, see that as a form of assault without having to define it. Another bill would lift the “pet to work” ban from the recently remodeled Capitol building sponsored in-part by a Senator who is pissed that she can’t bring her hairy dog to work with her anymore. What kind of people do we have in Oregon? Really.

My only glimmer of happiness is that I’ll finally be able to escape to Arizona in July and see my precious boyfriend. He keeps my feet on the ground and my easily annoyed mind at ease. I’m so thankful for him.

Tired

2009-03-04T16:35:00.000-08:00

I'm so tired of living without you...

...come rescue me already. :(

10 Attributes of Really Lazy People

2009-03-02T11:20:00.000-08:00

1. Inability to put forth the effort required to complete any task.

I can't stand saying goodbye...

2009-02-17T09:59:00.000-08:00

I spent 5 of the most beautiful days with my love...

...and cried all the way home from the airport when I had to say goodbye.

This distance is more painful than anything I can express.

Oregon 150

2009-02-14T11:10:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Oregon!

Chained

2009-01-22T14:32:00.001-08:00

I am blessed…yet I have a hard time smiling about it. It seems that everything wonderful has some dark side to it. The cliché “every rose has its thorn”, in all the paraphrasal nonsense that it presents, is the echo of my emotions.

Finding happiness and having my delicate triangle interrupted by another form of happiness is making everything seem like too much good is a bad thing.

My career is rewarding, social, important and exciting. Everyone my age that dreams of getting into the political world would fight for my job. Golden opportunities abound. I love my career and value it. It is just that during this time of year it is also so demanding that it keeps me second guessing when I can find time for the most important thing in my world; love.

The demands keep me here and yet his arms are calling out for me to run to him. I feel chained against a concrete wall just out of reach from the precious cup of life-saving water. I need him to be here and I need to be there with him. I want to break the chains on my desk preventing me from satisfying the burning desire to kiss him again.

This distance…is killing me.

I would give up my position, money, status, life…just to be his forever.

grumble

2009-01-21T18:34:00.000-08:00

Someone lied when they told these two women that they had talent...

Britney:

You "ARE" a circus. That's the only reason people still follow you.

Beyonce:

Yeah, the only thing you "put a ring on" is within my ear drums.

Seriously folks...if we stop buying their albums...they might go away.

Clue

2008-12-30T13:23:00.000-08:00

Me, in the office, with the pencil...

Seriously, what gives my coworker the right to disrupt my day by sharpening EVERY pencil we have in the office.

She's nuts!

Joyous

2008-12-29T09:04:00.001-08:00

Sorry Blog…I haven’t written in a while.

The holiday season is something that I loathe each year, as you can tell from reading my previous blogs posts around this time of year. My allergy to Christmas trees is somehow magnified each year with extreme intensity and I take comfort in my conifer-free home. A cold front has ripped through the valley and I’ve been snowed in literally the last week. The “Ho-Ho-Ho’s” and off-key holiday music sung by 8-yr-olds makes my skin crawl across my bones. Don’t forget the millions of cards and newsletters that are sent by people. Everyone really should just go “paperless” and send their crap via the net. Maybe I’m just negative, but this so-called “joyous time of year” is anything but “joyous” imo. I’m just incredibly thankful that it is all over for another 365 days. Now that…is “joyous”!

At least I can say that I am looking forward to a new year and that I think that 2009 will be the best year I’ve had in a long time. I think after everything else I’ve earned it.

That's so Ellen!

2008-12-04T13:59:00.000-08:00

Today we are confirming executive appointments in senate session and I'm sporting a navy blue/hot pink pinstrip suit, hot pink tacky 80's style earring and necklace, white camisole and of course...just like Ellen DeGeneres would...white sneakers. Go me! :D

For Rent

2008-12-01T16:08:00.000-08:00

I'm not ready for this...someone tell me it that I'm going to be okay? Please?

Quack Attack!

2008-11-29T23:20:00.000-08:00

UO Ducks 65 - OSU Beavers 38

Amazing Game! :D

His & Hers

2008-11-25T08:51:00.000-08:00

Someday. Soon. <8> I'll belong to you.

Can't Sleep

2008-11-24T09:51:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep.

Too many worries, thoughts, fears, wishes and questions plaguing me.
When will it all be clear?

News Photography

2008-11-21T13:18:00.000-08:00

As an ongoing student in art, I ventured into the News Photography world via classroom this semester. The course and professor possessed excellence in the 3 E's I look for in an art-based program; enlightening, exciting and educational.

Election night myself and three classmates gathered our cameras and snapped emotions, reactive expressions and details of the Marion County Democratic Election Night Gala. Some of my images from that evening have been featured on the professor's blog: http://newsphotographyexposed.blogspot.com/

Here's the crew: (Left to Right) Myself, Dean & Jennifer

Peace! :D

Things That Make Me Happy

2008-11-13T09:55:00.000-08:00

Most of all...his kisses! <8>

Random Things

2008-11-03T13:11:00.000-08:00

I love my boyfriend. He’s my very best friend.

I don’t know how to swim and yet I live by several major bodies of water.

When I was little I was petrified of needles. I bit the nurse to release her hold on me and ran around my doctor’s office, pants down around my ankles, attempting to escape.

I sleep with a stuffed panda bear on my right side and a panda pillow on the left. It is my sad attempt to replace the warmth I feel when I’m with him.

I go though a lot of lip gloss. Massive amounts. I think I apply it at least once an hour or more.

I have had one failed engagement and one failed married, and though I was devastated with both experiences, I now consider them to be the biggest favors anyone has ever done for me.

I’ve never had a celebrity crush.

I strive to eat all organic and vegetarian meals…but I still love meat.

Don’t play too rough with me. I bruise like a peach.

I wanted to become a nurse when I was in college, until I discovered that I vomit at the sight of particular bodily fluids.

I can forgive when given a sincere apology, but I never forget.

I can’t live without art in my life; photography, dance, music, crayons!

My teachers used to turn my desk the opposite direction of where my friends were sitting simply because I can “communicate with my eyes”.

Sometimes I cry because friends let me down.

I drink at least 8 glasses of water daily.

I am obsessed with my eyebrows. I consider them my worst feature and am constantly attempting to make them look normal. Someday I’ll just have them tattooed on.

My first CD was Boyz II Men. I still have it somewhere. Almost brand new.

I won the Rotary award for Marketing when I was a sophomore in high school. The seniors hated me for it.

I have read every book in the Little House on the Prairie series. I accomplished this task before I finished elementary school.

Three places I want to go in the near future: Arizona, Australia, Japan

I’m obsessed with history. I know more about my hometown then I’d like to admit.

I am a grammar nut but write without it sometimes just to make a statement.

I hate shopping for dresses because I am one size around my hips and another around my bust…a combination that is impossible to fit without alteration.

I want to have children one day, but just the thought of being a mom in today’s era scares me to tears.

I am a surprisingly excellent leg wrestler.

I have a secret obsession with Star Wars, Michael Jackson and Hello Kitty.

Sponges are disgusting and harbor bacteria. It makes me want to puke when I see people use them to wash dishes.

Music is essential to my life.

Three things I always have in my purse: lipgloss, hand sanitizer and an epi pen.

Rick Springfield hugged me.

Coolio personally dissed me.

Freshly baked cookies is one of the best smells in the world.

I’ve had photography published in several magazines and one billboard.

I can’t walk into an animal shelter without leaving with a new friend.

My cell phone is one of my most prized possessions. I can’t live without it.

When I am not sure what kind of music I am in the mood for, I reach for the Beatles.

I have been caffeine-free for over 5 years and counting.

I hate when people play devil’s advocate when they know I’m right.

I wish my job was more challenging… but sometimes I’m relieved it isn’t.

I love rainbows.

Spicy food is my obsession. If it doesn’t make me tear up when I eat it, it is not hot enough.

Eyes disgust me. I will never wear contacts because I can’t force myself to touch my eye to put them in.

I still harbor ill feelings towards my high school archenemy.

Litterbugs enrage me. So do people who just plain refuse to recycle out of laziness.

I hate the smell of Old Spice. Gag.

Blueberries make me happy.

I make the best French toast EVER!

I wish I was tone and fit… but I can’t stick with a workout program long enough to see results.

I love olives of all colors, shapes, and sizes.

I am always cold but warm to the touch to everyone else.

I love dark black eyeliner.

I look amazing in yellow.

I’m afraid of spiders, bees and mullets.

I drink dirty martinis, not because they make you look sophisticated, but because I actually enjoy them.

I’ve never stolen anything. (Unless you count pirating music and personal wireless Internet connections.)

I don’t drink coffee but I frequent coffee shops for lunch.

I’m very sentimental and keep everything in a box organized with corresponding photos “to-be-scrapbooked”.

I’ve not yet left the United States. (I’ve never even been to Canada.)

I want two Chihuahuas named Quito & Chito.

Arizona Memories

2008-10-31T09:47:00.000-07:00

Instant smiles upon sight.

Sweet, sweet kisses.

Driving around with broken air-conditioning in 90 degrees.

Tasting the best tamales I’ve ever had.

Sharing strawberry ice cream outside in late October under holiday lights and serenaded by fountains.

Exploring places of the past under cliffs of red rock.

Snuggling shutterbugs while touring the land in a bright pink Jeep.

Holding hands.

Dining on rattlesnake, cactus, buffalo, venison and hot chilies while giggling at the other’s first taste of something new and daring.

Staying up late snuggling in front of the television.

Pouncing on and kissing him awake in the morning.

Learning to eat (like a Mexican) eggs and chorizo with nothing but a tortilla.

Hour long traffic jam and a detour towards Mexico.

Walking in the footsteps of Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday.

Giggles & Kisses.

Sharing chipotle pasta and feeding each other chocolate cheesecake.

Listening to childhood stories from el padres.

Strolling the fair hand-in-hand.

Deep fried everything and margaritas.

Playing the midway games and giggling at my lack of ability to throw a baseball.

Getting personally dissed by Coolio.

Jumping out of our chairs and dancing to songs

Kissing at the top of the grand ferriswheel.

Singing to him in the car to anything that came on the radio.

Shopping with “deseester”.

Sharing a pizza in a rainforest.

Cheering on the Oregon Ducks to a complete slaughter…I mean…victory.

Making faces at “deseester” as we sit together one adorned in ASU gear and the other in UO.

Watching anime until we fall asleep.

Spending quality time with his family.

Being the only one at the table eating Chinese food with chopsticks.

Holding each other under a sunbeam.

Exploring the mall and finding a Hello Kitty wonderland.

Hugging a cactus.

Parading hand-in-hand in the building in which law is made.

Sitting next to John Lennon’s jacket, humming rock classics while eating a sammich.

Not wanting to look at the time knowing that it is running out.

Tears, kisses & a sad goodbye.

I left my heart in Arizona...

2008-10-28T17:00:00.000-07:00

I have returned...from the land of waterless rivers.
I left my heart...in Arizona...tight between his arms.

Writing with Light

2008-10-10T14:40:00.000-07:00

I embarked on a new adventure...

* * * * * *

pho·tog·ra·phy
the process or art of producing images of objects on sensitized surfaces by the chemical action of light or of other forms of radiant energy, as x-rays, gamma rays, or cosmic rays.-in more generalized terms-to write with light.

* * * * * *

I’m unable to pinpoint the exact moment when snapping a simple photo became lit with passion for composition, color, contrast and creativity. All I know is that it lives inside part of my soul and must be expressed.This is a collection of images some with a purpose and most without direction. I’m opening the window into the expression that my mind would like to call “art”. So this is the world as I see it, through the view of my lens…

http://write-with-light.blogspot.com/

Bubbles

2008-10-04T22:45:00.000-07:00

I had every intention of writing here before this date. I meant well, honest I did. I also didn't mean to eat some bad sushi and almost die from it either. Well, almost die is an exaggeration of sorts, but it felt like that. Oh well right?

Recovering from food poisoning took me; 8 bottles of gatorade, 3 bottles of pedialyte, 2 cans of chicken noodle soup, 1 bottle of peptol bismol, 4 tabs of immonium and 4 days. After all of that I've walked away with dark circles under my eyes, 19 lbs lighter, fluffy hair, pasty skin and less sick time on my next payroll check. Another...oh well right?

You know that look your room has after being sick for a few days...the smell, not the stink, but just the smell of almost death? Yeah, I had that. Today I mustered all the energy I had and straigthened it up. Fresh vanilla cotton sheets on my bed to snuggle into. The almost white carpet fluffy from just being vacummned. Every deadly dust particle swept up by my swiffer. The open window brought the fresh fall air whispering into my room. It feels like someone is alive in there once again.

My bubble bath steamed with the fresh scent of watermelon as I crawled into it. My face was green from the avocado-oatmeal mask I put on just minutes before and my teeth painted with my plastic whitening strip. My baby fresh shaving cream letting the razor float across my legs. Bubbles of shampoo...glorious, heavenly, orgasmic bubbles of shampoo...to be clean again!!!

I'm healthy now. Clean. Recovered.

Watch out world. *grin*

Fall

2008-09-28T20:13:00.000-07:00

Fall is here...and I'm in love.

Just a couple weeks away from seeing my love once again. I can't keep my mind organized for a second to gather the floating topic ideas in my head and put them on paper. I'll get there eventually. I'm posting a few here for future reference...maybe they will come alive once I can clear my mind.

Topics to explore:

The Squirrel Lady
1929 Revisited
Plates of Sushi
Jellyfish Attack
Crayola Crayons

Coming soon...I hope. Until then...I'm going to be lost in my daydreams off 23 days and counting.

Another Year...

2008-09-25T16:26:00.000-07:00

Another year older...here I am...27.

Here is how I spent my first day at my new age:

Adorned myself in a new dress, heels, jewelry and curled my hair to perfection.
Fought traffic on the Marion Street Bridge during the morning commute while delightfully chattering away to my boyfriend and listening to Z100’s morning show’s segment on War of the Roses.

Weeded through the pound of confetti on my desk to begin preparations for the governor’s executive appointments.

Grazed on some delicious pineapple. Nomnomnom.

Was thoroughly embarrassed by two senators who chose to serenade my during lunch to the timeless birthday classic.

Had confetti picked up off my desk and tossed at me all day. I think I still have evidence in my hair.

Talked to my fantastic boyfriend via MSN all day.

Felt displaced about something that I choose not to discuss.

Munched on some more pineapple.

Listen to the senate in session and smiled because I’m not in their shoes.

Drove home…greeted my martini shaker and the rest is history.

Beautiful

2008-09-23T16:34:00.000-07:00

He tells me I'm beautiful...

...and it's the best part of my day.

Learn to Love

2008-09-11T11:12:00.001-07:00

There are a lot of things in the world that are more unjust and profound that I could write about on a day like today. While most Americans will write about patriotism and pride or reference monumental historic events in my nation’s lifespan, I’m going to write about something just as important, in my opinion, and reflect in the fact that it might not make me any friends. It doesn't, however, make me any less of an American.

I will not even attempt to touch the impact of the events of 9/11 in detail and simply sum it up by saying that it is a severe tragedy and loss for our nation and its families.

The events of 9/11 were life shattering, tragic, devastating and never should have occurred. But before we start pointing fingers of blame at differences in race, politics, culture, religion and security we need to step back and realize what it all really means. It is my personal belief that 9/11 is one of many to come of the harsh consequences brought on by a sick and dying world. It was the final blowout of two brightly lit candles perched on the birthday cake of humanity’s failure. We’ve stopped loving one another.

It pains me to think that it took an act that colossal to make society stop in their tracks and start caring. While I’m not condoning the behavior of the terrorist by any means or their reason for doing what they did, the point I’m trying to make here is this: Terrorist acts occur in our everyday lives consistently whether big or small and we do nothing to stop them.

When we allow races to take knocks at each other, guns to fire, gangs to flourish, drugs to pass, improper content to be exposed to our innocent children, bombs to be dropped, pollution ignored, education commercialized, politics corrupted, prayer disabled, expression condensed, infidelity excused and the other examples in our lives that I could write a novel about, we participate, in terrorism.

Until humanity, not just Americans, start living with a sense of love for one another I’m afraid that the world as we know it will continue to grow dark with events like 9/11. To the generations living in this ill world, we can make a difference, the only cure is love.

Exercise it. Learn to Love.

Displaced

2008-08-29T09:00:00.001-07:00

The office is empty and there are still two men present in my compound laying carpet squares that resemble Triskets.

I have hijacked a computer in the senate chamber so that I can scrawl this cryptic message to anyone out there that can come to my aid.

I'm illegally drinking my daily ration of V8 in this legislative parlor and soon my cohorts will arrive with much needed supplies in the form of a toasted onion bagel. I hold out alone until they return.

We are but three lone soldiers awaiting the arrival of our commander and yet an hour has passed since the beginning and no sign of her on the horizon. We cannot proceed with an evacuation until she prompts us with the order.

The toxic fumes of carpet glue permeate the air, making breathing difficult, and unless orders are received soon I feel that all hope may be lost.

Waiting…

Pure Astonishment

2008-08-13T10:25:00.000-07:00

I have a new goal in life...to see this before I die...

The Beatles Love...very CirqueDuSoleil, very Vegas!
http://www.cirquedusoleil.com/CirqueDuSoleil/en/showstickets/love/intro/intro.htm

8/8/08

2008-08-08T14:34:00.000-07:00

My profound 100th post...riiiight...*giggle* :D

Today is a special day for mi amor and I. It is the day we have chosen to celebrate our love, since the "8" is important to us. Tipped over it means eternity. <8> Eternal like how our two hearts are entwined in love. In that I say; Happy 888 to you my handsome panda! :D

Things have been busy, sleepy, stressful, fun and happy. I've had too many emotions in the last week to even start to describe the reasons why. All I know is that I'm loving my life and all the chaos. I know, I must be crazy indeed.

I'll be going to Arizona in October. My plane ticket is booked and I can hardly wait for the leaves to start falling here. Just to be back in his arms again...oh my. It will be an amazing trip.

A few new online toys have stumbled my way as well...a new online community hosted by yours truely and the love of her life and also...look for me sharing a new collaborative blog with two very talented and amazing women. It should be an interesting time on the WWW.

Three Women who Blog http://3women.wordpress.com/
Pandemonium (A Gathering of Friends) http://pdm.informe.com/

****Added 3:35 PM ****

I am astonished that he chose me, out of everyone in the world, to love! Flowers on my desk, panda in my arms and tears melting my makeup! I love you Panda! Happy Anniversary!

Yummy

2008-08-02T23:09:00.000-07:00

Being Gma's caretaker for the weekend is a lot of work...but hey...at least I get to cook yummy German foods and have them sincerely appreciated.

Ta-Da! Stuffed Bell Peppers...

Heartbeats & Butterflies

2008-07-30T23:15:00.001-07:00

Simple and short...but tonight I just feel the need to tell the world that he's...

My best friend for over a year...and so perfect that I can't remember the exact moment that I fell in love. It just came naturally...just like when you know to smile when you are happy. Even after all this time his voice makes my heart patter and his laughter gives me butterflies. I am so blessed.

Oh how I love him! <8>

Tweet Tweet

2008-07-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

Follow me here...

https://twitter.com/pandajo

I guess I can thank Mere for this new addiction. Oh well...anything to keep me entertained during my droaning 8 hour workday is welcome.

Annoyed

2008-07-23T16:27:00.000-07:00

There are just those days when you wish you were the boss, just so you could flat out fire someone.

Can you imagine working part-time Wednesday-Friday, changing your schedule to Monday-Wednesday (without the boss's approval or knowledge) and then when Wednesday finally comes you go home (more like lie your face off) “sick” so you can have a 6.5 day weekend to work in your yard and drink wine coolers? Seriously.

All this occurred just because the boss is out-of-state. How flipping cute!

Next time she wants me to help her look good (because she literally does nothing at work and when she does she passes it off to me) I’m going to let her fall flat on her whiny little face. What is even worse is that I could handle my job and hers...why not just pay me her double-what-mine-is salary and send her back to classifieds. Ugh. I'm disgusted.

Adios lazy. Go home and stay there!

PS: I'll take your parking spot too bitch. :D

Meet La Familia

2008-07-18T14:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I tested my limits…

Daredevils, stuntmen, defense attorneys have nothing on me. Shaking in my boots and putting on the prettiest smile I could conjure, I met the family without the buffer of my true love beside me. Being that mi amor is of a Hispanic background, “meet the parents” always turns into meet the tios (uncle/aunt) and so-on. This was an epic first meeting.

I wasn’t so much afraid as I was worried. After all, I was in my element. Here in Oregon, at my place of employment on a beautiful and sunny Oregon day. The environment already gives me the winning edge over the dusty and burning hot Arizona they are used to. I felt my nerves wiggling around and my knees buckling as I walked down the marble stairs to where I saw his family waiting. Almost, for a minute, I wondered if Cinderella felt this way as she entered the ball for the first time. Standing before his padres (parents) and 2 sets of tios/tias (uncles/aunts) I was…open for examination and a full scale sizing-up. Afterall, who is this girl who has kept their son/nephew on the phone for hours over the past year. I couldn’t help but wonder whether I would make a good showing or not. I've never put on false airs and this was not the time to start.

His family is amazing I must say. His madre and tias are beautiful women whose beauty laughs at time and his padre and tios are dashing latin gentlemen. Each of them with their heartwarming smiles and friendly eyes, I sincerely enjoyed meeting them even considering the unusual circumstances.

What did they think of me? I’m not certain but if I had to gauge on the conversation, smiles and laughter exchanged I would say that I can see a good relationship forming. I hope to earn their approval. They hold my utmost respect for raising such an amazing man that I hold dear to my heart. It is not hard for me to adore them instantly. I just hope that they can see the unconditional and solid love I have for their precious son/nephew. I look forward to spending more time getting to know them in October.

Can you believe I was even nervous? I must have balls of steel.

Oh My Why...

2008-07-17T20:49:00.000-07:00

They are everywhere…and I can’t understand why…CROCS!

Don’t people realize that they look like a total retard walking around in clown shoes made from foam? I don’t care how comfortable they are…you look like a total douche!

Then you have to consider all the variations; crocs with fur, crocs adorning hokey plastic charms…even crocs with a bloody heel. What is coming to this world?

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse I see entire families wearing nothing but Crocs. Parading down the avenue like a caravan of dorks. That’s really cute.

Please!!! The next time you think about putting on your Crocs…think about this image…

Speechless

2008-06-23T21:27:00.000-07:00

I have so much to say...but can't even find the words to say them right now. All I can muster is that I've just had the most amazing week of my life...and I've honestly and confidently found...the love of my life. <8>

The hardest thing I've ever had to do...was let the tears fall from my eyes and let him get on that plane headed back home.

*tear*

...more to come...tomorrow maybe.

Our Song

2008-06-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

Savage Garden ~ I Knew I Loved You

I knew I loved you before I met you...

Silly So & So

2008-06-10T15:12:00.000-07:00

I think it might just be official. I’ve lost my mind. Certainly sitting here in my office, the pouring rain and dark clouds threatening outside, listening to Perry Como’s “Papa Loves Mambo” is evidence enough that my mental state has gone haywire. The worst part is that I’m singing along and dancing around in my chair to “he’s goes left…she goes right” and not giving a notice in the world to my coworkers peeking around the corner of the doorway giggling at me.

Maybe there is just something about the level of activity levels my brain has been racing through in the last couple weeks combined with the upbeat sounds of a jazz tune that just short-circuit. Either way the comedy of it all has me laughing at myself and those closest to me know that I’ve needed the laughter.

Over the past two weeks my grandmother has been in the hospital, nursing care, back to the hospital, back to nursing care and maybe we will finally get to add home to the list sometime this week. The sunrise of her 88th birthday is soon approaching it seems that health troubles are challenging her from even reaching that milestone. I make good thoughts for her daily but sometimes you just have to stand back and let the creator do what he is planning to do.

Personal life is full speed ahead for me. I was forced to deal with something seriously painful in reality and memory. It is something in which I’ve chosen to keep confidential from almost everyone in my life. The hard part of it is over and I’m sitting on the rollercoaster finish line staring at a date that will be the end-all of end-alls. It is scary and keeps my nerves on edge.

The work circuit of my life is the same-ol-same-ol grind, here and there, day after day, gas tank after expensive gas tank. Each time I have to fill gas it makes me tear up knowing that next week I might be spending ¼ of my check just to get to work. Energy crisis…is NOTHING compared to the crisis my emotions are going through when I start adding up my car payment, insurance, parking and gasoline. Oh great, I just remembered, it’s also time to have my oil changed. Someone just get me a donkey and I’ll do the cart thing to work. /sigh

In brighter more beautiful things, and no I’m definitely not talking about the Oregon weather right now, my darling panda is coming to visit in just 9 short days. I never thought I’d be so excited about just reaching single digits on the countdown, but “gee-golly” I’m on fire with excitement. Sparklers on the 4th of July can’t touch this feeling. I can hardly wait to cuddle up with him, even in this terrible Oregon weather, because when I’m with him everything is sunshine and rainbows.

I’m just feeling many emotions lately. Granted, when do I not? I’m positively me, and that is for certain. Silly old girl, that me-woman.

I guess I’m back to singing jazz lyrics aloud in my grand concerto to dust mites in the capitol.

Enjoy!

13 Days

2008-06-06T22:49:00.000-07:00

It always seems that time moves entirely too slow when you are
waiting for an amazing moment to freeze time.

THIRTEEN DAYS
I can hardly wait...to snuggle my handsome panda!

Flabbergasted!

2008-05-29T16:09:00.001-07:00

If you would have asked me what life would be like a year and a half ago I might have nonchalantly laughed my nervous laugh at you, gazed at the shambled ruin that was left of my soul and simply cried.

Things have changed. Significantly! It appears that the blades drawn against me have disintegrated and the path to happiness is finally clear. There is nothing keeping me from running down this path and reaching the beauty at the end. It is a most beautiful feeling.

While other pressures have been lifted from my shoulders it appears that the most beautiful thing has happened to me. Finally love has found me! Not the kind that you giggle about or pretend is real…this is beyond genuine love. I can’t explain the feeling that is in my heart every moment of every hour. It is a twitter of a butterfly wing, a blink of an eyelash, the glow from the sun off a dewdrop…it has me flabbergasted.

I have 21 days left before I can snuggle into his arms and feel the magic of his love. Until then, I’ll snuggle into his precious gift, my new panda hoodie, and imagine the fleece is his warmth. I love him.

Fattie

2008-05-20T10:39:00.000-07:00

I laugh when people call me anorexic because I refuse to down chili cheese fries, onion rings, mozzarella sticks, hot wings and cans upon cans of Red Bull mixed with alcohol every time I go out somewhere.

I would say that with almost 40 lbs off my waistline without starving myself or vomiting I can rest assured that my cause of death won’t be due to excessive body fat and an unhealthy diet. Not to mention I won’t look like a giant beluga whale walking down the aisle.

!!!PLEASE MUTE PLAYER BEFORE PLAYING VIDEO!!!

In appreciation of healthy people everywhere, please note that I didn’t say skinny, and to serve as a warning to those fatties that still need to get on the bandwagon of loving themselves…please check out the following:

Top 20 Worst Foods

America's Unhealthiest Drinks Exposed

Just a Highlight:

Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing
(I’ve actually witnessed someone eat these alone as a “meal”.)

2,900 calories, 182 g fat, 240 g carbs
(Caloric equivalent of eating 14 Krispy Kreme doughnuts!!!)

I was fortunate enough to have the book "Eat This, Not That" by David Zincsenko in my hands today and I was impressed, so much in fact, I'm planning to purchase it myself.

If that information alone doesn’t inspire the world to make a change, maybe this will:

Happy Healthy Living my friends! :D

Smile...or Not

2008-05-14T15:09:00.000-07:00

PUBLIC NOTICE:

Below is an artist's rendering of not-so-prehistoric equipment known as the toothbrush, toothpaste and dental floss.

For the sake of scenery, smell and hygiene PLEASE use them on a regular basis. Regular meaning 2-3 times a day, or more if desired.

Other helpful tools: Whiteners, braces, retainers, breath mints/chewing gum, mouth wash and REGULAR DENTIST VISITS!

:D <-- Pretty Teeth = Pretty People!!! That’s what this is about. Just a word to the wise: You can be skinny, pretty, buff, rich, beautiful, intelligent, handsome, talented...whatever it is you think you are... BUT

...I won't (and the rest of the critical people in the world won’t) give a rat's ass what you are saying to me if I can't stand to look at your mouth.

My motivation for the rant: I’m just disgusted (not directed at anyone necessarily here, or maybe I am directing, who knows with me) that there are too many people in the world that neglect their teeth and yet still think they are the some beautiful gift to society.

So…to the buck-toothed, grimy-yellow and janky-smelling mouths out there…

YOU ARE FOUL. :D

*Smiles!*

Someday...

2008-05-12T21:43:00.002-07:00

Babies-to-be: Quito & Chito

Who needs children?! We're getting furries instead. :D

Te Quiero Mi Amor

2008-05-10T19:16:00.000-07:00

June can't come soon enough...

Free Self-Confidence Therapy

2008-05-09T15:08:00.000-07:00

I love Walmart. I don't shop there...but if you ever need a self-confidence booster just walk inside. I am seriously the most fashionable, slim, sexy woman in the place without 3.5 kids from different baby-daddy's trailing her. I even have all my mint-condition teeth and my hair is not fried out from home dye or perm jobs. It's a beautiful day in Sam Walton's world. That is...all is well until you get hit on. Ewww...

Infinity Image

2008-05-08T22:46:00.000-07:00

Yay! /celebrate

Website coming soon...

45 Days

2008-05-05T15:07:00.001-07:00

Countdown begins...flight and hotel are booked.
All I can do now is wait. Impatiently. :P

Love Incoming!

Only Child

2008-04-27T23:28:00.000-07:00

How am I supposed to forgive you?

You broke my heart. I don't have a brother.

Canon Cutie

2008-04-24T15:18:00.000-07:00

I have new toys...

DPChallenge

FotoFight

...should keep me busy for a while.

Creative Expression FTW!!!

Tornado

2008-04-21T15:51:00.000-07:00

Life is a giant “Auntie Em it’s a twister!” whirlwind right now. I’m exhausted between balancing my full time job, daily workouts, healthy food (aka: cardboard disguised as food), college classes, personal-emotional stress (no I’m not talking about it), my family, friends and of course my amazing boyfriend. I find myself falling asleep with the cell phone still connected and a sweet voice whispering into my headset "Goodnight mi amor". Reality and dreamland seem to have become one as I float between them in a haze of unconsciousness.

I finally have an outlet for my creative side. Twice a week now I throw forth an array of productivity in pixels and movement. I will be making a site to display this creativity but I’m uncertain whether or not I’ll share it here. I fear theft of my intellectual property in such an outlet. Sorry readers, but I’ll be frank; I don’t trust you. It’s just like that.

My daydreams have become endless amusements and are always set in summer, June to be specific, when I can finally share a first kiss with the man who owns my heart. Summer breezes blow around us and the smell of honey and flowers engage our senses. Nothing to hold back, nothing but our moment…love.

My friends, if you are looking for me during the next few months, you can find me daydreaming away behind a Oregon state computer screen, hidden behind a Canon lens, prancing around in pink satin ballet shoes, running a make-believe marathon on my treadmill or laying around lazily in the green grass with a huge smile on my face pretending that it’s June.

See you when I wake up...right now...I'm going to let this little tornado called life sweep me away.

Oregon: A Mathmatical Wonder

2008-04-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

Sunshine through the clouds...

2008-04-18T15:35:00.000-07:00

Oregon is having the worst spring weather in years. My sun-starved skin is pelted with blistering cold, stinging rain and a dreadfully gray cover of clouds. The sun has gone missing.

It seems that unfortunate events in my own life have brought upon the same dark clouds as the Oregon weather billowing into my usually sunny personality. My face is the sky and my tears the rain. I can’t seem to escape these old dreadful memories.

My privacy is important to me here so I will spare the details of my week of pain and desperation. I will just say that a black pit of despair intertwined with spiders, spines of steel and an ongoing Weird Al ambiance seemed like a better alternative.

Today it seemed a golden ray of God’s beautiful sunshine broke through the barriers of my thick gray clouds. There are beautiful people on earth. Someone does care and love me no matter what my past entails. A man, an amazing man, loves me for me. He’s genuine, sincere and not out to use my sensitive heart and emotions for his own benefit. This man will never raise his voice in anger at me, his hand will never strike me and his words will never betray me. I can’t help but sit here in total awe and wonder…is this for real? I feel like I’m dreaming.

After a terrible week my boyfriend (can’t believe he’s MY boyfriend…he’s too wonderful to be MY boyfriend) sent me the most beautiful arrangement of stargazer lilies in a huge wine glass vase coupled with a heart-shaped “I love you” balloon and the sweetest sentimental note. He claims that he just wanted to make me feel better about myself after having an emotionally trying week. He’s not only succeeded in painting a huge smile on my face but he’s also shown me, once again, that there really is the urban Renaissance man out there! I’ve finally found and fallen in love with him…and the beauty of it all is that he loves me back.

He really is my sunshine…and the only one who can pierce though my dark-clouded days. I love him even more for being the only one capable of doing that. I can’t thank him enough…for him.

"DIE-et?"

2008-04-10T13:46:00.000-07:00

No one said this was going to be easy. Someone kill me now.
30 lbs and 2 sizes...gone.

Two of One Mind

2008-04-09T20:54:00.000-07:00

Isn't obvious? I'm in LOVE. It's incredible. He's incredible.

Love is incredible!!!

While I've been dancing around with my paintbrush of words here and there in this blog I've never really came right out and talked about "him". My riddles only tell what I want them to reveal. I'm ready to tell more...and this time...I want the world to know how amazing love is when you find the one person that you are supposed to have all along.

We don't just talk to each other, we speak and listen. Hours pass us by and yet we never cross a repeat topic. Our tongues weave around silly, deep, sad, dramatic, painful, fearful, happy and exhilarating topics without hesitation of what the other will think. We place no judgment, only respect on each other's words. We finish each other's sentences and say the same things at the same time in identical tone, pitch and accentuation. It's like we share a brain.

His laughter is contagious and is like euphoric music to my heart. I can't stop smiling and when I realize I've got that same silly smile on my face I wake up out of another daydream about him. He's everything I have asked for and more that I couldn't imagine ever deserving. I'm blessed with his heart and I give him mine without fear. I know he won't break it.

Is this a dream I have to ask...when do the dark clouds come and when do I wake up in tears? For once I can honestly answer that question for myself.

Never.

Love is the beginning...and finally I know it will be the ending too. We are two of one mind and will always have each other to love.

I love you Eliseo. <8>

Mine, Mine, Mine...Monday

2008-04-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

Monday's annoyances erupt and it appears that I need an attitude adjustment. I'll fine tune my knobs with a warm cup of caffeine-free blueberry tea, dramatically complain about my own selfish problems for a while, steal something from a friend on Packrat (http://apps.facebook.com/packrat/) and maybe then I'll feel better.

I have a beautiful home on the southern Oregon coast. It is sincerely my pride and joy as I purchased it at only 20 years of age and have managed to pay it off recently. You always remember the first time you look at a debt attached to your name over $10,000 and feel nauseous. Since moving over 200 miles away from my little paradise with an ocean view, I have been making many repairs and improvements to the home in an attempt to maintain and extend the current value. That said...here is my annoyance...

This is MY house. Yes, mine. I am very selfish.

While I appreciate the fact that many of my friends would want to visit the beautiful Oregon coast and support it's ever failing economy by frequenting the fisherman on the docks for fresh seafood and dying pubs for a frosty brew, they are also more than encouraged to support local business by getting a hotel or paying for a campsite.

Show me some respect. My house has/will never be your "free" hotel. It is not a place for you to party. It is not your romantic getaway. It is not your campsite. It is not a place to park your fishing boat. Maybe you notice the trend here and will pick up on the idea that...my house is NOT yours. Don't invite yourself and don't ask me. If I want you there I'll invite you. If I happen to invite you then consider it an honor and exercise manners by offering a gracious thank you.

Simple as that. Don't annoy me again.

Speechless

2008-04-03T16:48:00.000-07:00

Normally I have something to say...but this week...
I can't even form words. I love you Panda!

Amazingly Mine

2008-03-31T16:48:00.000-07:00

I don't have much time today to sit and compose over my keyboard. I can't even think straight to be perfectly honest. I have so much work to do and yet my distractions and daydreams are winning the battle. I can't stop thinking about him. He's totally and utterly...

I can't catch my breath and my heart is pounding in time with the nervous tingles I have everytime I realize that he is indeed...Mine.

Office Space

2008-03-27T15:47:00.000-07:00

I fight with this crappy piece of machinery daily.
Today is no different from yesterday or heck...ALL LAST YEAR!

Die, Die, Die...
I hate you eff'n copy machine!!!

Arizona Arrival

2008-03-20T16:07:00.000-07:00

I think he likes his new home here in Oregon. He has a room with a floor to ceiling window over looking green grass and playful squirrels. The orange carpet reminds him of the scorching desert so he’ll never get homesick. An overgrown ficus tree has replaced the prickly cacti. Scorpie (my precious new plush scorpion) has made the long journey from Arizona to Oregon and is now the Guardian of my office in the capitol. He gazes lovingly over the top of my mouse and keyboard as I type this. He reminds me of my Arizona sweetheart.

My package came yesterday…sent over 1,290 miles and full of wondrous surprises. I could barely contain my excitement as I checked the online tracker showing that it had indeed arrived at my door. I had six hours left in the work day before I could make the commute home and reveal the mystery behind those cardboard walls. As soon as five’ o’clock came I rushed out of the capitol and to my car. My fingers were tingling in excitement as I turned the key in the ignition. I chattered on the phone to the sweet, sweet sender as I drove home.

Anticipation overwhelmed me as I raced inside my house. I held the package in my hands and admired the precious hand sketched and colored panda bear on the box. My heart felt a wave of warmth when I looked over the address and saw our names written in his handwriting.

As if giving a play by play to him over the phone I began to cut away the super enforced packing tape holding together the folds of cardboard. Freeing one end I carefully poured the contents of baby pink tissue paper and ziploc bags from inside onto my bed.

My “school-girl-giggles” echoed in my bedroom as I open the packages to reveal a printed copies of stories we intend to read together, 27-exposure camera; yellow Arizona shot glass; raspberry sun-brewed Arizona tea; yellow socks with a coyote, butterflies and cacti; adorable baby pink bear wearing a coyote’s jersey; a gorgeous hematite necklace with pink crystals and a carved heart pendant (which I’m totally in love with btw); a maroon and gold ASU soft baby-t jersey; orange baby-t that says “I Love Suns Basketball” and of course…my precious Scorpie.

I snuggled into my Suns baby-t and thought to myself…this man couldn’t be any more amazing. He expresses himself with sweet words, never shows the heat of a temper, sings to me and asks me to sing to him, listens to my endless chatter intently, exhibits grace over each difference we have, cherishes me as a female, pays attention to every detail and remembers them when it counts, his laughter is contagious and I can feel him next to me at night even though we’ve never shared the warmth of a blanket.

To him…thank you, thank you, thank you for showing me that the man I always wished for really exists! You make my heart smile. <8

Raindrops

2008-03-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here in silence daydreaming out the window. The dark gray clouds are reflected in each raindrop hitting my window pain. Still...

...I can't stop thinking about the warmth of summer and being in your arms.

Detox

2008-03-13T11:16:00.000-07:00

Don’t leak the secret to Blizzard, but I’ve discovered the cure for an addiction to World of Warcraft! It’s a relatively short detox program called “real life”. I encourage you to try it.

There have been many wonderful people that I’ve met through the game and those friendships I intend to hold onto even past their technological foundations. It is just that sadly the majority of my co-gamers in Azeroth I have found to be jaded, immature, uneducated slobs who substitute a lack of real structure and positive human interaction with pixels upon a screen. They call this gathering of fools “a guild”. These members exhibit no sense of respect for the human race, economy, manners, gender equality or any tolerance for difference. These mindless slaves of Blizzard tote out $15/month so that they can exercise a false sense of authority on others while they pretend that “leading a raid” or being a “class leader” is some type of respectable position in life. I’m sorry to tell them but that experience does not apply when it comes to a resume. They fail to realize that if they spent as much time each day on themselves, their education, a career or maybe even a little personal hygiene as they do on that game each day…they might become “real”.

I’m sure my negativity in this post has the potential to spawn a torrential slough of hate email. I’d even be happy to accommodate those by reading and responding to each one personally, but I’ll have to apologize, I’m too busy living “real life” to bother.

Sorry my lovely little Moonsmile (70 Priestess). I will miss our adventures together. May you rest in digital peace with the rest of the toons whose owners were freed from the matrix.

It is with this post that I bid thee farewell and welcome the sunshine rays of “real life”.

Pain

2008-03-12T11:42:00.000-07:00

Muscle relaxers and dreams…

...swirling colors of pain.

The Boyfriend

2008-03-10T22:17:00.000-07:00

Quack Quack

2008-03-09T20:10:00.000-07:00

Sugar-Free Chai Tea Latte, Coffee Cake, European Facial, Tanning Bed, Sushi, Ducks Basketball Game, Karaoke

Somewhere in between all of that…I managed to slip something in my back and now my normal Marilyn Monroe swagger has been reduced to an AARP crawl.

/sigh

On a positive note: The Ducks won the game against Arizona! We made the PAC-10.

Woman

2008-03-07T16:28:00.000-08:00

A black suit with hot pink pinstripes, accompanied by a matching ruffled skirt, hot pink undergarments in lace, black thigh high nylons with lace tops held up a matching garter belt, black buckled high heels clicking on marble tiles.

I carry the words that become law.

I am a woman.

I measure our love in miles and minutes.

2008-03-04T11:21:00.000-08:00

I heart you Panda!

http://www.minutesmiles.blogspot.com

Sunshine & Clouds

2008-03-02T11:09:00.000-08:00

It has been my trend that when things are going not-so-well in my life I seem to have plenty of material to write about. Lately things have been wonderful and thus my recent posts reflect my happiness. Tonight I sit here, laptop in front of me, typing away as my precious Bandit, editor-in-chief, is cuddled up next to me. Maybe I'm becoming the crazy cat lady, but I think that Bandit enjoys the sound of the clicking keys, the way I curl my toes when I think deeply and my endless humming as I daydream.

I'm back to chilling around at work now that it is interim once again. Things are still somewhat busy and there is cleanup work to do but it seems that things are moving back to slow and simple pace. Not sure how I'm going to keep myself occupied and the surplus of free time has me dazed into daydreams about springtime and snuggles. I'm falling into something and I think for the first time I stand in front of the mirror of reality in total actualization of what is happening to me I can smile.

Even in my happiness though, it almost seems that like clockwork there is that shadow in the corner trying to steal the rays from my sunshine. My phone rang late tonight and destiny told me not to answer it. I've erased that number as well as the person attached to it. I couldn't help but chuckle that in a drunken state it seemed okay in their mind for them to contact me. Wishing to lash out more verbal abuse in a sore attempt to heal their own self-loathing or just proving the fact that the beauty of my love is something that they miss? Not sure. Honestly, I don't really care. Hopefully they will get the hint and forget about me. I pressed "7" on my phone before even listening to the entire message. That should show how much I value them. Leave me alone.

I guess life is interesting like that. Drama comes and goes in the form of jealousy and hurt. I've outgrown those childish games and march proudly to a symphonic harmony of my own laughter.

Sunshine & Clouds...all this is natural. :D

It won't be long...

2008-02-28T09:45:00.000-08:00

If a cherry tree could talk,

it would probably boast it invented romance.

We shall see...come spring or summer.

Today is Mine

2008-02-27T15:23:00.000-08:00

The chaos in my pretty little triangle of cerebral balance is silent. Senate session has reached sine die, things are calm in my castle and my dreams are coated in the soft pink petals of cherry blossoms. I’m happy for the moment.

Even though lag spikes keep getting tossed into my happy little network of sunshine and rainbows I am still holding onto my smile. I can place blame on the economy, new paths opening up, challenges being presented. I am a gladiator in my own right and will not waiver. It’s funny how sometimes I think the world is against me only when I’m happy. Almost like it is trying to drag me back into my darkened state.

I have news for you cruel world…not this time…today is mine!

Night Wires

2008-02-25T23:27:00.000-08:00

The night is full of whispers in the dark, soft serenades, giggles, inside jokes that only we would understand, innocent teasing, deep philosophical discussion, text messages with sly remarks, ponderances, pillow talk romance, sharing dreamstate episodes and, best of all of these, love.

I hope it won’t always be this way…but then again…maybe I do.

Panda

2008-02-23T16:22:00.000-08:00

.:Panda Love:.

Flash of Comedy

2008-02-15T12:16:00.000-08:00

Some things in this world are just made for comedy and I think I've discovered the greatest one of those...myself.

Last night I rushed into the bathroom to go pee (yeah, like usual) and in the process of ripping down my pants I forgot that my flash drive was stuck in my pocket. In my rush for urgency the flash drive flipped out of my pocket and plummeted into the toilet bowl. Still having to pee I fished the little bugger out (yeah, thrilling) and ran it under the sink hoping that whatever grossness in the toilet bowl had not ruined my flash drive of mental sanity. I dried it the best I could and left it wrapped in a small washcloth in my room to dry. Then I proudly marched back into the restroom and reveled in the enjoyment of emptying my bladder.

When I arrived home last night I jacked a Diet 7up from the stash in the refrigerator and danced up the stairs in an attempt to be optimistic that my precious flash drive would still be in operable order. Fingers trembling in anticipation, like a boy about to get to second base for the first time, I fired up my Dell and plucked in the flash drive. Waiting for the green light, finger on the mouse, the engine roars...the light turns green. It's alive!

Loved

2008-02-14T16:48:00.001-08:00

I’ve never before in my life felt more beautiful than I do right now. And it is all thanks to the most wonderful man. I received the most thoughtful bouquet of flowers today from the best Valentine. Not only are they placed in a beautiful martini glass vase, but they are stargazer lilies. No man has ever bought me stargazers and yet this one is so in tune with me that he remembered my favorite flower. He managed a complete surprise concocted without the help of my friends or family. Can I just tell him that he really is perfect? I can’t say enough about the sparkle he has put in my eye and the warmth that has been lit in my heart.

Who would have thought, me, at a complete loss for words? I’m sitting here trying to describe how he makes me feel and all I can do is melt into a little puddle of love. He is amazing, my best friend, and I can’t find a better way to tell him…

I love you! <3

Seriously

2008-02-13T11:20:00.000-08:00

SERIOUSLY.

Job Description

2008-02-12T10:49:00.000-08:00

In lieu of Valentine’s Day...

* * * *

Position: My “Urban Renaissance Man”

Reports to: Himself, his creator, his family and to me.

Job Requirements: Honest, respectful, educated, playful, strong-value-system, family-oriented, self-starting, responsible, traditional, accomplished, hard-worker, humorous, classy, physically active man; age 23-35. Available for a long-term and potentially serious relationship. No current children and not devastated if relationship does not evolve to the status of parenthood. No racial extremists, felons, atheists, vampires or non-US Citizens need apply.

Desired Skills (Not required): Possess musical ability or an appreciation for, not allergic to cats or dogs, love for ethnic foods and travel.

Duties:

Treating me like someone loved and cherished. This includes, but is not limited to, talking every day, being chivalrous (opening doors, escorting by arm when I’m in heels, etc.), romance (sweet talk, compliments, planning outings, flowers, surprises) and mutual respect (knowing his place as a man and taking the initiative to operate in that capacity).
Working out any disagreements, rather than clamming up or disappearing.
Willing to share his culture with me and experience mine in return.
Being loyal and not seeking other women.
Being a passionate and giving lover who also openly receives. Great kissing required.
Giving grace if I do something he initially interprets as negative. Discussing the issue, gaining details and resolving it in an adult manner without assumptions.
Sharing feelings about life and our relationship on a regular basis.
Working to continually improve himself and his environment.
Living his life with personal integrity, including but not limited to, doing what he says he will, calling when he promises, doing what’s right and not just necessarily what’s easy.
Having the courage to bring up difficult topics, and engaging maturely when I do the same.
Not be afraid to ask questions when the topic is not fully understood.
Being financially mature and responsible.
Hardworking and takes pride in his career. Always looking to better himself with educational opportunities.
Consciously taking care of his body so he is healthy and active.
Laughing at my pathetic attempts to be funny.
Understand my riddles, neurotic behavior, spontaneous talk and moments of insecurity. Able to comfort and make me laugh when I experience these episodes.
Socializing willingly and pleasantly in groups or with friends, both his and hers.
Planning outings like dancing, films, sporting events, dinners out, theater, parties, concerts, and other activities both enjoy.
Take pride in his home, furnishings and yard by showing a clear understanding of value and continuing a conscious effort to maintain that value.
Participating in physical activities together (biking, hiking, walking, dancing) or alone (working out, running, golf, other sports). Regular physical activity a must.

Benefits: Includes lots of kissing, caressing, cuddling, passion, understanding, respect, kindness, fun activities, home-cooked meals, laughter, spotlessly-clean home, support of your endeavors, dedicated woman to serve as the other half in a traditional relationship, positive attitude and feedback.

Control

2008-02-11T14:23:00.000-08:00

Dark clouds are affecting my inspiration level and I have failed to compose anything genuine or new here for a long time. I’m sorry friends.

I want to run away and find a safe place to hide from the insanity in which my life is blended. Instead of living my life forcefully molded into what everyone else wants for me, I need to break free and accept that my life is my own. I want to be allowed to make my own mistakes without judgment. When does my life really begin?

Where the hell am I?

2008-02-10T10:05:00.000-08:00

"I'll, uh, tell you where you are if you tell me who you are."

The Sammus Theory

2008-02-05T08:48:00.000-08:00

My talented cousin Sam and his band "The Sammus Theory" recently played MTV. I'd like to dedicate this post to him for overcoming the challenge of the music industry and chasing that rainbow. Go Sam Go! :D (Note: Pause the Music Player on the bottom of my blog for full enjoyment.)
.:The Sammus Theory on MTV:.

Interested in hearing more? Check out "The Sammus Theory" on myspace and their website.http://thesammustheory.net/http://www.myspace.com/thesammustheory

Commute from Hell

2008-01-22T09:37:00.000-08:00

There is NO REASON on earth why my morning commute, that normally takes 20 minutes, should take me an hour or more.

I HATE YOU Center Street Bridge and all your terrible commuters from West Salem! Do me a favor and just drive your happy little cell-phone-chattering, cigarette-smoking, classic-rock-listening yuppie butts right into the Willamette River.

I don't want to have to leave at 6:30 am for a job that begins at 8:00 am but I guess that is what I'm going to have to do.

Thanks for hell.

Tonight

2008-01-16T23:45:00.000-08:00

I really should be lying in my warm bed asleep. Or snuggled into the soft suede comforter and my electric blanket wrapped around me as I draw deeper into the trance of a good novel. Instead I'm sitting here under my blankets, tapping away at the laptop keys and writing a novel of my own it seems. I guess even when I try not to, I still think too much. I'm sorry friend; I know I promised you that I'd go to bed and try not to think tonight. I promised that I'd get some sleep. I want you to know that I honestly tried. I laid here for a good 20 minutes and still could not clear my mind.

Thoughts swirl in my mind constantly and at night they are thicker than the sweet cinnamon in a sticky bun. I need a forum, a platform, an outlet or maybe just a shrink to analyze these endless thoughts and emotions plaguing me. Is this normal I wonder?

Living my life is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. You can feel the inertia pushing you into the next dive but you have no idea when it will begin and end. There is a typical course of events in one's life and I feel as if mine have been knocked backwards by some traumatic event. I can't put my finger on the exact moment but I know it began years ago. The reality of it all has just now caught up to me I suppose.

As I told the one I hold in my heart, "some nights I want to bury my head in a pillow and cry, other nights I want to leap out my window...tonight...I just want to hold you".

Maybe then I can clear my mind.

<3

Slumber Party

2008-01-13T14:07:00.000-08:00

I’ve escaped. Almost.

Time spent with one of my besties is always a breath of fresh air.

However, if you ever have a slumber party at your bestie’s house and while you are lying next to them trying to keep from stealing the covers and they bust out one of those wind-up flashlights and begin cranking away just be prepared...to be scared half to death.

Hilarious, absolutely hilarious…but not to me.

Lighting in my Nerves

2008-01-03T16:50:00.001-08:00

Today my nerves are like sparks of lighting streaking across the sky; random, brilliant and destructive. I’m nervous and each pinpoint of energy brings me closer to imploding into nonexistence.

Everyday, all day in February, yours truly will be addressing the Oregon State Senate in my full, prominent, and rather “girly” voice. Each time I speak the cameras of the Oregon Channel, local media and the eyes of Oregon will be on me. I shudder to think of it. Get me another bottle of valium and a dirty top-shelf martini please. Make it a double.

Mix those nerves with wild and tangled feelings of the heart and you’ve got one psychologically inept woman.

In regards to my heart and for those who keep asking, my answer is “Yes, and he’s beyond amazing”. For those who don’t know the question please disregard the answer.

I’m going to go get a refill on my valium now. Have a nice night.

Blind Journey

2008-01-02T11:08:00.000-08:00

You turn back and smile at me while you hold my hand leading me down an unmarked path. I ask where we are going but you won’t tell me, just to trust you and that we will be there soon enough.

I wake up. We never reached our destination…yet.

Tyrone

2007-12-28T14:10:00.000-08:00

His constant taunting, teasing, misleading inuendos…

…and me with 32 days.

I heart him anyway. /sigh

Poot!

2007-12-27T12:50:00.000-08:00

My father, while being a fine upstanding member of society as well as a wonderful father and husband, is possibly the foulest man on earth. Let me elaborate…

Men enjoy farting. I think it is genetically programmed for the male of our species to take delight and humor in anything exiting the anus in the form of an odd-sounding and unpleasant smelling gas. They just can’t help it.

While I have found humor in this once or twice, ok maybe I’ll admit to taking great humor in farting on my friends a couple times, (Truth: Pretty girls do fart.) I’ve never plotted out strategic maneuvers to publically expose the gas in my anus, intoxicating those around me, for my own amusement.

My father does just that. He takes great pleasure in sneaking up behind my mother, me or any random unsuspecting female and planting one, walking away and then laughing silently to himself as all the other women in the store glace over with great disgust thinking that it was the gas released by the poor victim of another “Daddy Fart Bomb”. After years of this occurring I have developed lighting-fast ninja reflexes to make a quick “gross-face” and point at the nearest old woman present. While I know that is rude, we have to face the facts here, old people fart more. Most of my female readers will agree that it is easy to blame the elderly for random and unexplained odors.

Another thing my father takes great pleasure in is the meat case at Costco. Imagine, you are shopping for a beautiful package of hamburger or steaks and “BAM” a green cloud of stench invades your nostrils. Shopping experience officially ruined.

If I recall correctly, when I was a small child and my brother was a much smaller and whinier child, my father once held my brother down and farted on him. While this would be considered child abuse in some households apparently my father finds this a gesture of male bonding. My brother on the other hand threw up. I laughed safely from my “quick-escape-spot” on the other end of the room.

Now that my brother is in his early twenties I have found that this fetish is apparently genetic within the Y chromosome. I have made it a point to avoid all family outings that involve my father, my brother and any consumption of potentially gaseous food. I keep Vicks in my purse to rub under my nose to blind the smell for the occasions that I don’t.

Moral of the story: Men fart, women beware.

Note: I love you Daddy & Matty…but seriously guys…point your butts in the opposite direction of where I happen to be located. :)

Everything

2007-12-26T10:46:00.000-08:00

I’ll admit that I’ve been lazy, abandoning my little storylines of nonsense, philosophy and philanthropy for carefree and empty thinking. Blank days pass and I’m no where to be found. I’m a captive in my own little world dancing around my dreams and singing melodies in winter’s favorite colors. Life, as cold and lonely as it is right now, is beautiful.

The dark cloud of Christmas has passed and unlike previous years, it has not left my heart is a shambled heap. I found little things to keep the smile bright upon my face melting away the ice like a Care Bear stare. The pixels on a screen as I explore a world of make-believe, singing into a microphone earning five stars in my own rock band, sweet smell of blueberry tea, old black and white photographs zoomed into microscopic detail in Photoshop, 30 days of clarity, my fingerprints on ivory and ebony keys, laughter from watching my cat unwrap his presents, friendships rekindled that never really needed to be relit and the late nights spent getting lost in the sound of that sweet voice in which I’ve grown so accustomed.

Forget the pain; I have so much more to be thankful for this year. There are only 6 days left in 2007 and I intend to cherish each one like a holiday. Every day I have with beauty, peace, friendship, hope and love…IS…a holiday.

Happy Everything People!

Twitterpated

2007-12-18T14:27:00.000-08:00

"You're walking along, minding your own business. You're looking neither to the left, nor to the right, when all of a sudden you run smack into a pretty face. Woo-woo! You begin to get weak in the knees. Your head's in a whirl. And then you feel light as a feather, and before you know it, you're walking on air. And then you know what? You're knocked for a loop, and you completely lose your head!"

*Twitterpated*

Special Delivery

2007-12-11T14:57:00.000-08:00

A handwritten note on parchment stationary slipped tenderly into a parcel of secrets. A mystery tightly packed in preparation for the trip from the snowy northwest to the sunny southwest. Sealed with a kiss and postage placed I send it on its voyage.

To you…

with love

…from me.

Message from Oregon

2007-12-07T16:14:00.001-08:00

Dear California,

The state of Oregon greatly appreciates your visiting our (insert one of the following here)…

A) Lush, Green Forests
B) Clean, Secluded Beaches
C) Snow-Covered Peaks
D) Beautiful, Wild Rivers

…we would greatly appreciate it if you would please memorize the following guidelines designed to make your visit to Oregon that much more pleasant.

1. If you find it difficult to climb into your RV, than you more than likely should not be driving it.
2. Unmarked logging roads and mountain climbing are dangerous in the middle of winter. You are more than likely going to get lost and die.
3. Don’t pick up ANY Real Estate information or visit any Real Estate establishment while you are here. There is no point as we don’t sell homes to Californians anymore.
4. Appreciate the beauty of Oregon in its entire green splendor. It’s green because we don’t litter. You shouldn’t either.

Thank you for taking this opportunity to visit our great state. Now, if you don’t mind, please go back the way you came and take your shitty oranges with you.

Thanks,
Oregon

Invasion of Privacy

2007-12-06T16:27:00.000-08:00

Imagine that you are having one of those luxuriously sensual “Herbal Essence” moments. Encased in your shower, you are surrounded in a warm mist blazing the aroma of exotic fruit and floral petals. You run your fingers through your wet hair and as you do you slightly open one eye…

BAM!
A demonic gremlin of the arachnid social order has invaded your most private of sanctuaries.

Yes, this was my morning.

I screamed in fright and as I attempted to flee from the eight-legged menace, I slipped in the shower. My ninja-like reflexes caused me to take the impact on my elbow rather than my naked derrière. It was blow that will more than likely result in a massive bruise to serve as my medal of honor for exhibiting such bravery in the shower.

When I realized that the invader had me cornered I grabbed my epic bottle of shampoo and flung the culprit into the great unknown. Powee Sucka!

I'm too scared to go in that bathroom now.

Sedona Skies

2007-12-05T16:30:00.001-08:00

Lying in the bed of your pickup truck staring at the stars and laughing at the elusive moon.

I’ll sing you every song I know as we gaze into the twilight sky. My melodies timed to your heartbeat felt softly upon my cheek.

An innocent moment shared between two fragile hearts.

Beautiful. <3

Anonymous Celebrity

2007-12-03T16:46:00.000-08:00

Celibacy. It seems to be glowing in brilliant amber-colored lights on the billboard of my life.

I received a simple phone call this morning from a friend in radio. (Yes, you know who you are.) As my friend, and reader of my blog, he posed the innocent proposition of taking my story live on his afternoon radio show. While I insist that my situation is nothing less than that of a mid-twenty-something female in the world who is just tired of dealing with a slough of men that are the epitome of a personality like Family Guy’s “Quagmire”, I have given him permission to use my story but not to publicize my name or blog.

It is not my individual pursuit but the topic itself that will be the focus of conversation. I hope. My radio personality friend prepared me that there will more than likely be listeners calling in with the regular “it’s because she’s never had a real man like me” comments. I’ve already dealt with those skeptical pigs and am taking this blessed opportunity to declare that it is men like that who make keeping this vow that much easier. My friend has assured me that he would convey that same message. For that, after all, is the fuel behind this burning fire.

Supporters or antagonists there will be in my mission. I guess tomorrow I’ll find out where the city of Eugene stands on the issue. After that, maybe the world?

The only one that it really matters to though is me, and that unknown, my love.

Spontaneous Randomosity

Changes & New

New Technology

I Promise I'll Write...

Alone

Depression

Time

Things I Need...

Really Now?

My New Love Affair

Slacker

Tired

10 Attributes of Really Lazy People

I can't stand saying goodbye...

Oregon 150

Chained

*grumble*

Clue

Joyous

That's so Ellen!

For Rent

Quack Attack!

His & Hers

Can't Sleep

News Photography

Things That Make Me Happy

Random Things

Arizona Memories

I left my heart in Arizona...

Writing with Light

Bubbles

Fall

Another Year...

Beautiful

Learn to Love

Displaced

Pure Astonishment

8/8/08

Yummy

Heartbeats & Butterflies

Tweet Tweet

Annoyed

Meet La Familia

Oh My Why...

Speechless

Our Song

Silly So & So

13 Days

Flabbergasted!

Fattie

Smile...or Not

Someday...

Te Quiero Mi Amor

Free Self-Confidence Therapy

Infinity Image

45 Days

Only Child

Canon Cutie

Tornado

Oregon: A Mathmatical Wonder

Sunshine through the clouds...

"DIE-et?"

Two of One Mind

Mine, Mine, Mine...Monday

Speechless

Amazingly Mine

Office Space

Arizona Arrival

Raindrops

Detox

Pain

The Boyfriend

Quack Quack

Woman

I measure our love in miles and minutes.

Sunshine & Clouds

It won't be long...

Today is Mine

Night Wires

Panda

grumble