Wednesday, January 16, 2008


I really should be lying in my warm bed asleep. Or snuggled into the soft suede comforter and my electric blanket wrapped around me as I draw deeper into the trance of a good novel. Instead I'm sitting here under my blankets, tapping away at the laptop keys and writing a novel of my own it seems. I guess even when I try not to, I still think too much. I'm sorry friend; I know I promised you that I'd go to bed and try not to think tonight. I promised that I'd get some sleep. I want you to know that I honestly tried. I laid here for a good 20 minutes and still could not clear my mind.

Thoughts swirl in my mind constantly and at night they are thicker than the sweet cinnamon in a sticky bun. I need a forum, a platform, an outlet or maybe just a shrink to analyze these endless thoughts and emotions plaguing me. Is this normal I wonder?

Living my life is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. You can feel the inertia pushing you into the next dive but you have no idea when it will begin and end. There is a typical course of events in one's life and I feel as if mine have been knocked backwards by some traumatic event. I can't put my finger on the exact moment but I know it began years ago. The reality of it all has just now caught up to me I suppose.

As I told the one I hold in my heart, "some nights I want to bury my head in a pillow and cry, other nights I want to leap out my window...tonight...I just want to hold you".

Maybe then I can clear my mind.


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