Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Commute from Hell

There is NO REASON on earth why my morning commute, that normally takes 20 minutes, should take me an hour or more.

I HATE YOU Center Street Bridge and all your terrible commuters from West Salem! Do me a favor and just drive your happy little cell-phone-chattering, cigarette-smoking, classic-rock-listening yuppie butts right into the Willamette River.

I don't want to have to leave at 6:30 am for a job that begins at 8:00 am but I guess that is what I'm going to have to do.

Thanks for hell.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


I really should be lying in my warm bed asleep. Or snuggled into the soft suede comforter and my electric blanket wrapped around me as I draw deeper into the trance of a good novel. Instead I'm sitting here under my blankets, tapping away at the laptop keys and writing a novel of my own it seems. I guess even when I try not to, I still think too much. I'm sorry friend; I know I promised you that I'd go to bed and try not to think tonight. I promised that I'd get some sleep. I want you to know that I honestly tried. I laid here for a good 20 minutes and still could not clear my mind.

Thoughts swirl in my mind constantly and at night they are thicker than the sweet cinnamon in a sticky bun. I need a forum, a platform, an outlet or maybe just a shrink to analyze these endless thoughts and emotions plaguing me. Is this normal I wonder?

Living my life is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. You can feel the inertia pushing you into the next dive but you have no idea when it will begin and end. There is a typical course of events in one's life and I feel as if mine have been knocked backwards by some traumatic event. I can't put my finger on the exact moment but I know it began years ago. The reality of it all has just now caught up to me I suppose.

As I told the one I hold in my heart, "some nights I want to bury my head in a pillow and cry, other nights I want to leap out my window...tonight...I just want to hold you".

Maybe then I can clear my mind.


Sunday, January 13, 2008

Slumber Party

I’ve escaped. Almost.

Time spent with one of my besties is always a breath of fresh air.

However, if you ever have a slumber party at your bestie’s house and while you are lying next to them trying to keep from stealing the covers and they bust out one of those wind-up flashlights and begin cranking away just be prepared...to be scared half to death.

Hilarious, absolutely hilarious…but not to me.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Lighting in my Nerves

Today my nerves are like sparks of lighting streaking across the sky; random, brilliant and destructive. I’m nervous and each pinpoint of energy brings me closer to imploding into nonexistence.

Everyday, all day in February, yours truly will be addressing the Oregon State Senate in my full, prominent, and rather “girly” voice. Each time I speak the cameras of the Oregon Channel, local media and the eyes of Oregon will be on me. I shudder to think of it. Get me another bottle of valium and a dirty top-shelf martini please. Make it a double.

Mix those nerves with wild and tangled feelings of the heart and you’ve got one psychologically inept woman.

In regards to my heart and for those who keep asking, my answer is “Yes, and he’s beyond amazing”. For those who don’t know the question please disregard the answer.

I’m going to go get a refill on my valium now. Have a nice night.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Blind Journey

You turn back and smile at me while you hold my hand leading me down an unmarked path. I ask where we are going but you won’t tell me, just to trust you and that we will be there soon enough.

I wake up. We never reached our destination…yet.