Displaced

The office is empty and there are still two men present in my compound laying carpet squares that resemble Triskets.

I have hijacked a computer in the senate chamber so that I can scrawl this cryptic message to anyone out there that can come to my aid.

I'm illegally drinking my daily ration of V8 in this legislative parlor and soon my cohorts will arrive with much needed supplies in the form of a toasted onion bagel. I hold out alone until they return.

We are but three lone soldiers awaiting the arrival of our commander and yet an hour has passed since the beginning and no sign of her on the horizon. We cannot proceed with an evacuation until she prompts us with the order.

The toxic fumes of carpet glue permeate the air, making breathing difficult, and unless orders are received soon I feel that all hope may be lost.

Waiting…

Annoyed

There are just those days when you wish you were the boss, just so you could flat out fire someone.

Can you imagine working part-time Wednesday-Friday, changing your schedule to Monday-Wednesday (without the boss's approval or knowledge) and then when Wednesday finally comes you go home (more like lie your face off) “sick” so you can have a 6.5 day weekend to work in your yard and drink wine coolers? Seriously.

All this occurred just because the boss is out-of-state. How flipping cute!

Next time she wants me to help her look good (because she literally does nothing at work and when she does she passes it off to me) I’m going to let her fall flat on her whiny little face. What is even worse is that I could handle my job and hers...why not just pay me her double-what-mine-is salary and send her back to classifieds. Ugh. I'm disgusted.

Adios lazy. Go home and stay there!

PS: I'll take your parking spot too bitch. :D

Silly So & So

I think it might just be official. I’ve lost my mind. Certainly sitting here in my office, the pouring rain and dark clouds threatening outside, listening to Perry Como’s “Papa Loves Mambo” is evidence enough that my mental state has gone haywire. The worst part is that I’m singing along and dancing around in my chair to “he’s goes left…she goes right” and not giving a notice in the world to my coworkers peeking around the corner of the doorway giggling at me.

Maybe there is just something about the level of activity levels my brain has been racing through in the last couple weeks combined with the upbeat sounds of a jazz tune that just short-circuit. Either way the comedy of it all has me laughing at myself and those closest to me know that I’ve needed the laughter.

Over the past two weeks my grandmother has been in the hospital, nursing care, back to the hospital, back to nursing care and maybe we will finally get to add home to the list sometime this week. The sunrise of her 88th birthday is soon approaching it seems that health troubles are challenging her from even reaching that milestone. I make good thoughts for her daily but sometimes you just have to stand back and let the creator do what he is planning to do.

Personal life is full speed ahead for me. I was forced to deal with something seriously painful in reality and memory. It is something in which I’ve chosen to keep confidential from almost everyone in my life. The hard part of it is over and I’m sitting on the rollercoaster finish line staring at a date that will be the end-all of end-alls. It is scary and keeps my nerves on edge.

The work circuit of my life is the same-ol-same-ol grind, here and there, day after day, gas tank after expensive gas tank. Each time I have to fill gas it makes me tear up knowing that next week I might be spending ¼ of my check just to get to work. Energy crisis…is NOTHING compared to the crisis my emotions are going through when I start adding up my car payment, insurance, parking and gasoline. Oh great, I just remembered, it’s also time to have my oil changed. Someone just get me a donkey and I’ll do the cart thing to work. /sigh

In brighter more beautiful things, and no I’m definitely not talking about the Oregon weather right now, my darling panda is coming to visit in just 9 short days. I never thought I’d be so excited about just reaching single digits on the countdown, but “gee-golly” I’m on fire with excitement. Sparklers on the 4th of July can’t touch this feeling. I can hardly wait to cuddle up with him, even in this terrible Oregon weather, because when I’m with him everything is sunshine and rainbows.

I’m just feeling many emotions lately. Granted, when do I not? I’m positively me, and that is for certain. Silly old girl, that me-woman.

I guess I’m back to singing jazz lyrics aloud in my grand concerto to dust mites in the capitol.

Enjoy!

Office Space

I fight with this crappy piece of machinery daily.
Today is no different from yesterday or heck...ALL LAST YEAR!

Die, Die, Die...
I hate you eff'n copy machine!!!

Woman

A black suit with hot pink pinstripes, accompanied by a matching ruffled skirt, hot pink undergarments in lace, black thigh high nylons with lace tops held up a matching garter belt, black buckled high heels clicking on marble tiles.

I carry the words that become law.

I am a woman.

Sunshine & Clouds

It has been my trend that when things are going not-so-well in my life I seem to have plenty of material to write about. Lately things have been wonderful and thus my recent posts reflect my happiness. Tonight I sit here, laptop in front of me, typing away as my precious Bandit, editor-in-chief, is cuddled up next to me. Maybe I'm becoming the crazy cat lady, but I think that Bandit enjoys the sound of the clicking keys, the way I curl my toes when I think deeply and my endless humming as I daydream.

I'm back to chilling around at work now that it is interim once again. Things are still somewhat busy and there is cleanup work to do but it seems that things are moving back to slow and simple pace. Not sure how I'm going to keep myself occupied and the surplus of free time has me dazed into daydreams about springtime and snuggles. I'm falling into something and I think for the first time I stand in front of the mirror of reality in total actualization of what is happening to me I can smile.

Even in my happiness though, it almost seems that like clockwork there is that shadow in the corner trying to steal the rays from my sunshine. My phone rang late tonight and destiny told me not to answer it. I've erased that number as well as the person attached to it. I couldn't help but chuckle that in a drunken state it seemed okay in their mind for them to contact me. Wishing to lash out more verbal abuse in a sore attempt to heal their own self-loathing or just proving the fact that the beauty of my love is something that they miss? Not sure. Honestly, I don't really care. Hopefully they will get the hint and forget about me. I pressed "7" on my phone before even listening to the entire message. That should show how much I value them. Leave me alone.

I guess life is interesting like that. Drama comes and goes in the form of jealousy and hurt. I've outgrown those childish games and march proudly to a symphonic harmony of my own laughter.

Sunshine & Clouds...all this is natural. :D

Today is Mine

The chaos in my pretty little triangle of cerebral balance is silent. Senate session has reached sine die, things are calm in my castle and my dreams are coated in the soft pink petals of cherry blossoms. I’m happy for the moment.

Even though lag spikes keep getting tossed into my happy little network of sunshine and rainbows I am still holding onto my smile. I can place blame on the economy, new paths opening up, challenges being presented. I am a gladiator in my own right and will not waiver. It’s funny how sometimes I think the world is against me only when I’m happy. Almost like it is trying to drag me back into my darkened state.

I have news for you cruel world…not this time…today is mine!

Commute from Hell

There is NO REASON on earth why my morning commute, that normally takes 20 minutes, should take me an hour or more.

I HATE YOU Center Street Bridge and all your terrible commuters from West Salem! Do me a favor and just drive your happy little cell-phone-chattering, cigarette-smoking, classic-rock-listening yuppie butts right into the Willamette River.

I don't want to have to leave at 6:30 am for a job that begins at 8:00 am but I guess that is what I'm going to have to do.

Thanks for hell.

Lighting in my Nerves

Today my nerves are like sparks of lighting streaking across the sky; random, brilliant and destructive. I’m nervous and each pinpoint of energy brings me closer to imploding into nonexistence.

Everyday, all day in February, yours truly will be addressing the Oregon State Senate in my full, prominent, and rather “girly” voice. Each time I speak the cameras of the Oregon Channel, local media and the eyes of Oregon will be on me. I shudder to think of it. Get me another bottle of valium and a dirty top-shelf martini please. Make it a double.

Mix those nerves with wild and tangled feelings of the heart and you’ve got one psychologically inept woman.

In regards to my heart and for those who keep asking, my answer is “Yes, and he’s beyond amazing”. For those who don’t know the question please disregard the answer.

I’m going to go get a refill on my valium now. Have a nice night.

The Monotony of Fall

Sometimes I’m here and sometimes I’m not. Words that ring true as somehow my subconscious exhausted all its energy these past few days narrating my life in a forced third-person British accent rather than linking written words together for this dauntless expense of bandwidth.

Listen. A train whistles, bellowing deep as the wheels slice through the orange, yellow and red leaves that have fallen unknowingly upon the tracks. Life appears to be the same.

The monotony of fall…

…working too much, dancing in dark alleyways, counting change to feed the meters, singing in my car, anchored to the desk by homework, wandering around lost, daydreaming in the morning, jumping in piles of leaves, laughing in the rain, falling in love...

...and the story I’m hiding in the commas.

Rain Clouds

Staring out the window of my office, daydreaming again it seems. I’m unconsciously watching the American flag flying in the wind and the State of Oregon flag in its blue and gold dancing in perfect synchronization under it. The Douglas fir trees stand proudly at attention just as they have for decades. Simple maple and oak trees have the kiss of fall in their leaves and soon they will be as blank as the expression on my daydreaming face.

I always find myself melancholy in the fall. I’m not sure if it has to do with the environment changing for another winter, the return of the rain, or the chill I’m greeted with every morning as I push the snooze button and hug into my pillow afraid to face the dark sky. Every autumn it’s the same thing for me. I feel like my spirit is preparing itself for the bitterness of winter.

Everywhere I turned this weekend the constant reminder of fall bellowed into my face. The sound of the football announcer Friday night booming accompanied by the occasional cheer of the crowd, that indescribable smell of fresh rain steaming up from the pavement below my feet, signature pumpkins in various shades of orange adorning the grocery store fronts and copper colored oak and maple leaves stuck to my car window. Autumn is officially here and there is no amount of my whining around that can change it.

The only thing I find myself looking forward to enjoying is the smile of my adorable nephew and the gleam in his beautiful blue eyes as he is taken out to play with the other little spooks and goblins of the night dressed in his cuddly little Halloween costume. My “boo-bear” and his angel mommy will be visiting the end of this month and I can’t wait to have some therapeutic best friend time at our favorite restaurant and secret hiding spots. It is best friends like her that keep one’s mind youthful, smile bright and can heal any broken heart.

There are as many things changing in my life right now that are as dramatic as the changing of the leaves on the trees outside. I’ve discovered that being in a detached phase was good for me. I’m slowly moving down a path towards something new but sharing my building excitement with the world is not something I’m quite ready to do. Maybe soon I’ll be willing to tell, but for now, I'm going to be as mysterious as the dark rain clouds threatening outside. Nobody knows about it but me. *grin*

New England Adventure

I’ve returned from my adventure to the east coast and I must admit it has put my mind into a new perspective sparking a greater appreciation for the beauty of home.

Air travel is something that my body is just not accustomed to and someday when I’m independently wealthy I will custom design my own private jet complete with plush seats, hot tub, champagne service, flat screen TV and surround sound. I’ll even have my portrait painted on the tail like Bob Marley and the Jamaica jets. Until then I’m hopelessly stuck in coach with the screaming babies, overwhelming senior citizen body order, snoring businessmen, gabby “flight mothers” and spending countless hours contorting my body into the most uncomfortable seats known to man. I have found out that it is impossible for me to fall asleep on an airplane.

Thankfully the redeye flight from Oregon to New Jersey went smoothly and arrived almost 20 minutes ahead of schedule. Following our arrival I subjected my sleepless body to three and half exhilarating hours in the lovely Newark Airport. Since I had some extra time there I was able to go out of security, escape from the front doors and catch the feel of New Jersey on my tired face. A view of the New York skyline is what I was greeted with and an outline of the Empire State Building dancing behind the sunrise. A constant flow of people faded the entrance of the airport doors passing one another without any interaction, not a smile or greeting, just a blank stare as they bumped into each other without cause or care. The concrete was pained by discarded trash and worn where it had been exposed to constant foot travel. I could not even catch site of a pansy in a planter. The only sign of life not caught up in the mindless pace of travel was a solitary pigeon. He was much smaller than the pigeons at home but he was my only friendly face. I waved goodbye to him as my plane took off into the sunrise. I’ve decided to name him Percy.

Lake Champlain glistened like some unreal body of water bedecked with magical sailboats and mysterious islands just like those in my fantasy novels as the plane approached Burlington, Vermont. The foothills, or “mountains” as they are called in Vermont, caused a harsh wind sheer and the pilot had to pull up from the first landing attempt and circle the lake a second time before we could touch down. The high wind and chill factor slapped my face the moment I stepped outside. I couldn’t help but compare the environment with that of the southern Oregon coast. The only components missing were the salt in the air and the greenery was dark and rich verses the more vibrant greenery of Oregon.

The first difference I noticed about Vermont was the slow-paced and laid-back lifestyle. I could walk from one end of the city to the other in an hour while it would take the locals I was passing left and right all day. This difference was more obvious in the service as it took 3 hours to check into the hotel room, 20 minutes to get a cup of tea and 45 minutes for a club sandwich. There is no sense of urgency anywhere in that state and I suppose while that leaves them with a stress-free life, it makes a west coaster stressed out and frazzled.

As much as I wish I could say my trip was for pleasure, my purpose on the east coast was to attend an annual meeting of ASLCS (American Society of Legislative Clerks and Secretaries). Entertainment is guaranteed when you get a group of legislative staff together and multiplied when you mix those people from all 50 states as well as Canada, Mexico, England and Ireland. The connections established and friendships formed are something that I’ll never forget. I now have my ASLCS family and an excuse to see the world visiting my new friends. I'll never live this one down but apparently I do talk like a “valley girl” according to my new friends from Alabama, West Virginia, Kentucky and Mississippi. Oh well, I love “all yall’s” anyway.

Fortunately I was able to do a little personal sightseeing while I was away. New England’s most amazing offering is the fabulous Maine lobster. I can now say I’ve experienced it and I’m sorry to Oregon crabbers but nothing tops this crustacean delicacy. <3

The trip home brought me to Atlanta, Georgia where I was greeted with the blast of humid heat the minute I stepped off the plane. Unfortunately or fortunately, not sure which one, I only had enough time to run from one gate to another. The Atlanta skyline is beautiful and I plan on visiting there very soon. Yes, my friends in the south, I blew you all a kiss out the window of the plane as I glanced down and my plane turned to the north. Setting out from Georgia to Portland I had to resist singing on the plane to my Norah Jones CD as I was overwhelmed with inspiration just to be returning home. First step I took outside I filled my lungs with Oregon air and I felt alive again. It’s so good to be home.

***

On another note…

…late at night while the rest of the east coast is sound asleep I listened intently to the sweetest voice left back on the west coast. Falling asleep with the phone in my hand after talking to you, I don’t know how, but you were with me all the time.

I just…trust you.