Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The Art of a Perfected Fake Smile

Patchwork thoughts have been dancing in my head all morning. I find myself scrambling to make sense of one and then another thought drops by unannounced. I blame music. Every song ignites another emotion, state of mind and causes my thoughts to crash around like the waves of the ocean. I’m left with just enough understanding that my toes are cold and my lips taste of salt air.

I’ve been parading around lately with a mask displaying the art of perfected fake smile. My world has been confusing lately and while I’ve still searching to make sense of it all I can’t help but feel somewhat lost and melancholy. I have my moments of sun break through the clouds that I’ve grown so comfortable with but those are rare and few between.

There are many lessons to learn in life and “how to love” is one of the hardest. One would think with as much pain, suffering, dying and deceit there is in this world that love would be a parallel universe so-to-speak. Something as light and glorious as love would be able to kiss away anything dark and painful within someone’s soul. To love and be loved would be the cure for all turmoil. I guess I live with my head in the clouds because recently I’ve been shown that loving someone, fighting all obstacles and sharing their pain is not enough to save them from hating and destroying themselves in the end. You only break your heart against them.

The few rays of sunshine in my life are my friends. They bring me happiness like a cup of blueberry tea on a foggy Saturday morning. Some of them old and some of them new, they brighten my world and bring a natural smile to my face when I need my perpetual pout broken. I love you…all of you. <3

I did find some comedy today at lunch as I was whisked away to TJ Maxx with a coworker. Somewhere deep inside of me there is this uncanny attraction to outlandish headwear. As I was parading around the store in the oddities that I found I thought to myself, “When I'm an old lady I want a trunk full of crazy hats that I can wear so I never have to worry about how boring my powder white hair is”. Each hat must be as dramatic and as extravagant as my personality.

Tomorrow is another day that will trap me in its whirlwind, or at least the wind in a literal sense. After a long day of Senate session full of joyous executive appointments, radiate in the sarcasm, I will be boarding a plane for Vermont. While this will mark a virginal experience of the east coast I am still uncertain what this will bring me. I’m sure that the green trees of Oregon will beckon me home and I’ll miss the comfort of knowing it will indeed rain tomorrow. One foot in front of the other, I’ll just adorn my fancy cocktail dresses matched with classic heels and set out to see what I can discover.

In other fanciful news, Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson had a brawl. I guess I have a chance. /sigh

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