Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Autumn Begins

Trading my sunny summer skies for gray clouds, rain and copper colored leaves marks the beginning of autumn as well as a new chapter in my life. While I have to admit that I did not wake up this morning with some amazing blue flash of self-realization I did have a moment of crystalline epiphany while I was trying to gather the inspiration to write this. Unfortunately it faded faster than I could grasp the concept.

As I stared into the twenty-six candles twinkling on my birthday cake I had no realization what this is suppose to mark for me. It’s another year. I’m eighteen with eight years experience. There are some days that the experiences, failures, successes and heartbreaks trapped in the wax of those twenty-five candles makes me feel that there is double the amount of pain staring me in the face. Other days I see those same moments in time and laugh because I know that the sparkle in my eyes and the glow of my smile keeps me young. I have no idea what the future holds and honestly have no care or flurry for the past anymore. I keep dreaming of a place to embrace my “today” and I’ve finally grown strong enough to begin my search.

I’m destined to find the place that has been haunting my dreams, a remodeled 1920’s downtown loft with a charming balcony where I can stare out a dirty bared window at the bustling street below. I’m going to wrap myself in that handmade afghan, its rainbow threads enlaced loosely around my shoulders. Wiggle my toes in my toe socks and giggle at the site of how silly they look as I tuck one foot underneath me. I can already feel the steam from my blueberry tea as it swirls around my long eyelashes. Black and white prints spread out on the dusty wooden floor as I try to make sense of the frenzy that my mind paints through a lens. The soft tinkling from the keys of a piano mixing with the sounds of downtown creating a unique serenade that only I can find the beauty in. This is my paradise. This is peace.

Happy Birthday to me…this year…I’m giving myself the best present of all.

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