Monday, October 1, 2007

Rain Clouds

Staring out the window of my office, daydreaming again it seems. I’m unconsciously watching the American flag flying in the wind and the State of Oregon flag in its blue and gold dancing in perfect synchronization under it. The Douglas fir trees stand proudly at attention just as they have for decades. Simple maple and oak trees have the kiss of fall in their leaves and soon they will be as blank as the expression on my daydreaming face.

I always find myself melancholy in the fall. I’m not sure if it has to do with the environment changing for another winter, the return of the rain, or the chill I’m greeted with every morning as I push the snooze button and hug into my pillow afraid to face the dark sky. Every autumn it’s the same thing for me. I feel like my spirit is preparing itself for the bitterness of winter.

Everywhere I turned this weekend the constant reminder of fall bellowed into my face. The sound of the football announcer Friday night booming accompanied by the occasional cheer of the crowd, that indescribable smell of fresh rain steaming up from the pavement below my feet, signature pumpkins in various shades of orange adorning the grocery store fronts and copper colored oak and maple leaves stuck to my car window. Autumn is officially here and there is no amount of my whining around that can change it.

The only thing I find myself looking forward to enjoying is the smile of my adorable nephew and the gleam in his beautiful blue eyes as he is taken out to play with the other little spooks and goblins of the night dressed in his cuddly little Halloween costume. My “boo-bear” and his angel mommy will be visiting the end of this month and I can’t wait to have some therapeutic best friend time at our favorite restaurant and secret hiding spots. It is best friends like her that keep one’s mind youthful, smile bright and can heal any broken heart.

There are as many things changing in my life right now that are as dramatic as the changing of the leaves on the trees outside. I’ve discovered that being in a detached phase was good for me. I’m slowly moving down a path towards something new but sharing my building excitement with the world is not something I’m quite ready to do. Maybe soon I’ll be willing to tell, but for now, I'm going to be as mysterious as the dark rain clouds threatening outside. Nobody knows about it but me. *grin*

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